Tuesday, December 11, 2001

Still two finals to go. I wish they'd just both be done with. I don't mind staying around here, I just really hate having time...because I know I should study, but I know I do not want to study. It is so difficult to get my act together and study!! I have my Buddhism final tomorrow and then I will just have my Hist final to take on Sat. I just wish they were both done. I feel no urgency to study.....

Today was much less weird than yesterday. But it was sad. Andy left while I was gone and I didn't get to say goodbye. Then I went to a "bass gathering" at Scott's place and said good-bye to Scott. Then I came home and Adam left. So sad! Time is almost over here. When Matt told me I'd be sad, I was like, whatever. Sure. Uh-huh. But, now that the time is coming really, really close to ending, I am getting sad. I mean, how many people do you really keep in touch with, once college is over? How many times do you just chill at one another's place once school is over? Hopefully more than I think, but in reality, probably not often enough. I really want to try to keep in touch with a lot of people, because without them, I would never have survived through my time here. On the otherhand, without some other people, my time would have been nice from the getgo. Oh well. Live and learn.

five days, thirteen hours until graduation.

Monday, December 10, 2001

Today was a very weird day. To begin, I actually remembered my dream when I woke up. Well, it kinda woke me because the thought was bothering me. I usually never remember my dreams. Ever. The dream was on my mind all day and it was still bothering me. I just couldn't figure out the problem. It was so bad that I couldn't concentrate enough to study. Not a good thing, esp. since finals are upon me.

Anyway. Moving past my dream, I emptied out my bass locker and handed in all my music building keys this afternoon. Once I did that, I really realized that my time in CU was coming to an end. It didn't hit me until the moment I handed my keys over. I saw Bob and Chris from the Music Shop and they were both so sweet. They seemed pretty sad that I was leaving. That makes things harder. It would be much easier to leave if I didn't have any ties here anylonger.

I have less than 6 days left until I graduate. It is so surreal. I still have so much to do. I still have so many people I want to see. I still have two finals to take and one paper to turn in (34 pages!!). I bought a Illinois sweatshirt today. It cost me $30, but I decided that it was worth it. I'll always remember how I was feeling when I bought it. I had seen a few people that have made a difference in my life for the last time. At least I presume it will be the last time. All I hope is that I have made a difference in some people's lives and that they'll miss me too.

My brother told me I'd be sad to leave and I just didn't believe him. Now, though, it has hit me and I know what he is talking about. I still really want to leave, but I still really want to stay. I fear that I will lose touch with most of the people from UIUC and that these past 3.5 years will be almost lost. I know they aren't and will never be, but once I walk down the aisle on Sunday, it'll be final. I will no longer be in college.

Ok, sorry. Enough emotions for one night. Time for me to get some sleep so I can study, study, study tomorrow. I am so excited! Yay!

Sunday, December 09, 2001

Thanksgiving is behind us and things are wrapping up here at school. I have less than 1 week left here. For two years I was trying so hard to get out of here, and now that the end is in sight, I almost don't want to leave. I think I might admit the fact that I like it here and I will miss it. I love everyone I live with and hate to leave. Seven roommates, all guys, and it has probably been one of my best experiences these three and a half years.

I am still working out my plans for next semester. I guess I can't call it a semester any longer...life is not broken down like that anymore.... In any case, after winter break, I don't have much planned. I have applied to work at a few places (one in FL, three in NY) and if nothing else works out, I'll at least do an internship in Chicago....and hope that that'll lead to a job soon :) Otherwise, I do actually look forward to having time to do what I what, when I want to. As of now, I really plan on reading a ton. I have lots that I want to read. And, since I just started running again, I will have a lot of time to train.

This last weekend was really nice. I invited a lot of people to meet me at Murphys, kinda as a "good-bye" because I know I probably will not be seeing most of these people again. How sad! Even though I did not drink at all, I had a great time. Imagine that! And Matt and Kristen came down for the night. Then Sat. night I saw Ocean's 11 with Amy. I really liked that movie. It is funny and interesting and keeps you entertained.

Alright. That's all for now. The next time I write, I'll be a college graduate!! Bye everyone in Champaign-Urbana.